Honoring Sub-Journalism With ‘The Remmys’: Brain Worms, Cicada Recipes, and Stormy Fan-Fiction

Immediately after the Pulitzer Prizes have been awarded it is time to again focus on the other end of the journalism spectrum. In recognizing the dregs of press unprofessionalism, journalistic sloth, and generally deserved media mockery, we have created “The Golden Remington Awards,” a nod to the olden days when hard-scrabble hacks committed actual journalism and hammered out dispatches on those hefty wordsmith devices. With an eye to that past of muckraking reporting and shoe leather investigation, we acknowledge those who fail today or report in an audacious fashion.


These are the inauspicious nominations, in several categories, to be honored at the end of the year for the 2024 Remmy Awards. 

Distinguished Public Service

Last week, the Donald Trump sham trial over election interference, taking place in New York, was all the rage on the network as Stormy Daniels took the stand to testify about her affair with Donald Trump. Her appearance was obsessively covered in many ways, delivering risible results, particularly from Lawrence O’Donnell. 

It was said to be horrific that Trump purportedly had sex with a porn star but did not wear a condom and that her theoretical impending pregnancy would be a problem as she came from a state that disallows abortions. So he was scorned over a pregnancy that did not happen and an abortion he did not “force” on a woman. (Little was mentioned of Daniels managing to appear in over 200 adult films without pregnancy being an issue.)

Then, in a panel, it was said that Daniels was a victim of a power imbalance, which essentially forced her to have sex with Trump — this despite her giving prior testimonies stating assertively that she was never compelled and was not a victim.

Best of all was O’Donnell delivering a deeply imbalanced, entirely creepy rendition of Stormy’s appearance in court. Larry was in the courtroom that day, and his explanation of her arriving is an unsettling description that seems to involve O’Donnell’s fantasies about Daniels, picturing her in a number of vignettes while stating the porn actress had “the modesty of a nun.”


Distinguished Explanatory Reporting

There is an old maxim that in journalism, many view politics as their religion. It becomes convenient when they come out and directly assert this to be the case. In an interview on the CBS News weekend program, veteran journalist Bob Schieffer declared that he views the Capitol the same way the devout regard the sanctified center of Catholicism.

The humor in this is obvious when you consider the raft of whore-like individuals who ply their trade inside that hallowed building. Then, just to bring up a dose of more unorthodoxy for Mr. Schieffer, let us recall the episode recently of a Democratic staffer filming his gay sex video inside his “holy place.”

Distinguished Feature Writing 

Basically, since the Barack Obama administration, the late-night cabal of talk show hosts, as well as “Saturday Night Live,” have been notably pulling their punches towards the Democrats in general, and since he announced his candidacy in 2019, doing so specifically in regards to Joe Biden. But at Politico, they have only now gotten around to noticing this brand of notably neutered satire.


Clearly, all the late-night shows are in the tank for the Dems, as they uniformly perceive Donald Trump as the threat. As a result, they are all indistinguishable from each other as they preach to the choir (audience) to provoke approving clapt-er for their humor-free monologues – something they have been doing for roughly 15 years now, but Politico is only just now noticing.

Distinguished Cultural Commentary

  • Li Cohen – CBS News

The press has had a tough time with the issue of the general public eating insects. A cycle of sorts exists where first at The World Economic Forum they always seem to push this bug-based agenda, then the press comes out to deny anyone is proposing we eat bugs instead of meat, then later the press delivers think-pieces on the benefits of insect protein.

Currently, with one of the Cicada emergences taking place, CBS attempts to sell us on the concept of consuming these rarely seen insects. Calling it a “treat” is not going to work, sorry

Distinguished Investigative Reporting

The press is drastically afraid of Robert Kennedy Jr. this election, fearing how many votes he is poised to siphon away from Biden in November. Discrediting him is a priority these days, and at the New York Times, Ms. Craig has dug up a banger!


Sorting through his divorce papers from years back, she found an entry where Kennedy let slip that he had some memory lapses regarding some details in the questioning phase as a result of a parasitic worm that had consumed a portion of his brain before dying off, and this led to some short-term memory loss.

FINALLY! The Times has given the press the evidence needed to say that Kennedy has lost his mind!

Distinguished Local Reporting

  • Anthony Attrino – NJ.Com

Two New Jersey men were arrested after it was discovered they were behind a massive ring of shopping cart thievery. (We will NOT call their organized thefts a “cart-el.” Nope.) The pair, caught in the act one day, were found to be in possession of 140 purloined carts. It is not known how many they had already sold, but it is clear they had a lucrative enterprise. All of the carts were taken from a solitary store, and once the missing stock was realized security footage showed a red van had been seen taking the carts.

Then, when police were on site, the van returned and was witnessed being filled with new carts — in the middle of the day. Following their arrest it was reported one of the men — aged 77 — had a record of thefts…of shopping carts.

Distinguished Sports Reporting

  • Sam Block – ESPN

On Netflix, they broadcast the Tom Brady Roast, but not everyone in the sports world was laughing. At ESPN one of their video production aides — Sam Block — came out with a stern lecture on why this was a horrible event.


After receiving his huge share of ridicule over his tsk-tsk manner, Sam managed to double down, sounding even MORE insufferable in the process.



About Author

You may also like


Delusional Nikki Haley Implies She is Going to Run Against Trump, Says ‘I’ve Never Lost an Election and I’m Not Going to Start Now’

  • November 21, 2022
Delusional Nikki Haley Implies She is Going to Run Against Trump, Says ‘I’ve Never Lost an Election and I’m Not

Add Amoxicillin to the Things in Critically Short Supply Saga

  • November 21, 2022
I have a dear friend, a single mom heroically raising three boys. As if that isn’t enough reason to provide