When I got up this morning, I’m not sure what all I expected from this day, other than the additional 6-8″ of snow the Susitna Valley got overnight, the need to bring in some firewood, and of course my work here at RedState.
I certainly didn’t expect to come across a guest editorial from God Almighty in the Washington Free Beacon, in which the Almighty One fires back at soccer… uh, what do you call a soccer player? Anyway, God Almighty has set His sights on Megan Rapinoe.
Hey, folks. God here. I’m writing in response to recent comments from Megan Rapinoe, a human female best known for playing the so-called sport of soccer, or “Satan’s Folly” as we call it up here.
Rapinoe invoked my name on Saturday after injuring her Achilles tendon in the opening minutes of the National Women’s Soccer League Championship. It was the final game of her professional career.
“I’m not a religious person or anything and if there was a God, like, this is proof that there isn’t,” Rapinoe told the demonic cretins you call journalists during the post-game press conference. “This is f—ed up. It’s just f—ed up. Six minutes in and I eat my Achilles.”
Well, I’d like to draw a distinction here; not all journalists are “demonic cretins,” although plenty are (I could name, for example, Rachel Maddow, but I won’t.) Myself and my RedState colleagues, for example; the RedState folks are as fine a bunch of people you’d ever want to meet, and barely a demonic cretin among them. And one of that sterling group, my colleague Bonchie, who is most assuredly neither demonic nor cretinous, covered the Rapinoe story when it broke. Read his account here. And, yes, Megan Rapinoe is an obnoxious clown.
God Almighty was not… OK, well, apparently, He was amused.
I knew this would happen, obviously, but that doesn’t make it any less hilarious. The last game of Rapinoe’s career—the league championship, no less—and she injures herself immediately then has to watch her team lose from the sidelines. I’m still laughing about it.
Laughing about it? Well, I can’t blame God for that; it’s always fun to see obnoxious people brought down a peg. And we already knew He had a sense of humor; as evidence, I give you the platypus. And if He is behind that fall from grace that Megan Rapinoe has recently suffered, well, then so much the better. Isn’t that part of the God job description? Smacking around those who exhibit the sin of hubris?
It’s good that He has time to pen a guest editorial, though. One would think, given all the evil in the world these days, that He would be busy with dealing with a recalcitrant Vicar of Christ, smiting of evildoers, and so forth, but these days, He seems to be relying on the Israel Defense Forces to do His smiting for him, and it’s for sure and for certain that they are up to the task.
I have to admit that I’m curious about God Almighty’s guest columnist profile at the Beacon:
God Almighty is the divine ruler and creator of heaven and earth. He served as senior adviser to the president of the United States from 2017-2021.
Only that once?
I’d note that this isn’t the first time God has revealed Himself to us mere mortals.